Category Archives: Personal

Wishful Thinking Dreams

When she cant bring herself to stay in this place called home,
When she can’t stop the darkness from corrupting her soul.
When each vibrant light flashes dead across the sky,
Showing her every depriving lie.

Stealing her wishful thinking dreams,
She realizes this book of her life, is being ripped at the seams.
Running block to block, building by building;
The image of herself tastefully fading.

Who she’s becoming is who she wanted to be,
All this is happening from chasing her wishful thinking dreams.
Lost in this town,
Foolishly screaming out loud.

No one can hear her- silence.
She’s giving up? Her biggest defiance.
When the deep blue ocean sky turns black,
How much longer can the stars put up the act?

Everyone of them sparkle with a tint of yellow and white; bursting gracefully with a brilliant beam.
Each shine is playing against her on an unfit team.
In her mind the sky is her friend,
Holding her troubles, helping with a gleaming grin.

Although its reality trying to trap her,
The loss of motivation, it’s starting to blur.
She’s imprisoned by a false illusion,
With a blink of an eye- BOOM!
Hit with a conclusion.

The stars know what she’s discovering.
No chance for her escape, the stars begin hovering.
Spiraling, spinning, twisting, and falling.
Wishful thinking dreams,
Exposing to the extremes.

She’s getting dizzy, lost for words,
This fine frenzy abruptly occurs.
Someones talking, she can’t tell who it is.
Glancing over her shoulder, the voice was his.

A heart aching lump forming in her throat from this blistering tease,
The stars are her friends they warn him to leave.
Fiery explosions burst into the ground,
She throws herself determined to defeat his screeching sound.

She swiftly jumps up, she’s in her bed,
Searching for a clock, she’s disoriented.
The voice has stopped, moisture fills her eyes,
She should have been smart and followed the wise.

That’s when it clicked and her thoughts began to extend,
Is this where her wishful thinking dreams end or begin?
Transforming into a hysterical mess,
All these hatred feelings dangerously suppressed.

She had her heart chained, now it’s derailing,
Tightly holding her chest, her breathing is failing.
Her heartbeat is going insane,
The images of him imprinted to her brain.

You can see in her eyes that the stars have disappeared,
The emptiness in her mind was never really feared.
Those wishful thinking dreams don’t need to bother,
She gave her last breath forgetting her unbarring father.


The Damned…

The world of the damned.

Forced to walk forced to sink. No dead ends, a straight forward path that leads to relapse and confusion; shhhh, you can hear the beating of a heart that’s damned.

It’s uneven but still tamed, it’s broken but yet somehow together.It’s not by cement, glue, tape, or staples, but by hope that will never suffice. It’s tattered and torn. I can hear it from miles away.

If you were to see this place, this darkened arena of unfair game, you would shutter with fear, but there is no fear to be feared here. Might as well embrace it. You see this place goes on for miles, but nothing in it’s bottomless depths can you seek out any contradiction to the feelings it makes you feel.

Befriended with the presence of the damned. Time passes, even if it seems impossible in a place like this. With our weathered souls and dismantled hearts; but yet with in all the derailed events, time very well passes.

For a concrete damned soul with the lurches of the unspeakable and tulls of the untold it passes. Even so for me. Like a pulse of blood behind a bruise it hurts , but will fade away. You wont remember how you got it, but you will remember that it hurt like hell…

Now you’re lost in a unthinking stupor holding with all your strength to the numbness that will  keep you from realizing what you didn’t want to know.

Yes, friend…

You are damned.


What can you really say about friends?

They herp and derp a lot, but that’s the reason that we love them. Though we all may get in fights with our friends, at the end of the day we still love each other. Bullshit happens. You laugh when they fall down. But we all still love each other.

No matter what, friends are what make the world go round. Be they close to home or halfway around the world, every friend is important. Though we may lose some, we always pick up more along the way. That way, you have people to make everything better when you need someone to lean on.

Laughing and loving are two of the best things about friends and those things will never change.

Nothing is stronger than the bonds of true friendship.

This article is dedicated to the best friends a chick could have. To Angie, Kasie, Brandon, and everyone else who I love…You guys rock!!!




Infatuations go unnoticed, but they are obvious in everyday life.

We blind ourselves from them so that the temptation is further away from us. The right or wrong feeling of a given situation, a lost cause formation in our everyday life…we don’t understand these feelings half the time. We decide then and only then, when the uncomfortable atmosphere sits in, that we don’t want those feelings (the temptation). It drives at us. It stirs in our minds, hearts, and movements. Everything becomes the infatuation. It makes us wonder what is and what could have been.

I wonder all the time if the things that are set in place now, are how they are supposed to be. Are we all really doing the right thing? Or, are we letting something great escape our grasp? When different worlds (people) collide, they feel something. Chemistry, you can say. But when breaking that away from both of them–when knowing that the chemistry didn’t happen for any ordinary reason, that there was a given purpose for it–it just doesn’t seem right. No matter if it was for two days, a week, or a month. There was a significant bond that was destroyed in the process of elimination, and it has left certain things uneasy.

Many scientists and psychologists have theorized that the emotional pain of a broken heart is just as painful–if not more–than the physical pain of a broken limb.

What would you do if the person you loved…was destroying you? How could you fix that? How could you get away from killing one another with the aspect of love? The beauty of the thought that you could fix this situation with the exact thing that was destroying everything doesn’t mean shit at this point, and that’s what I’m getting at with infatuations. They are just illusions of false hope that something good is going to come out of something else. Is that what love is? Is love just a joke?

If so I think a lot of us are just fucked with the pun! We all go through hell, and yet the temptation of love lingers and sticks to us.  It leaves us out of breath, and it always hurts in the end. We have yet to figure out what draws us closer to trying again. Do we all really like going through the troublesome times and pain to experience that one glimpse? That one second of pure happiness?

We all experience heartbreak…but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

I don’t know about you all, but I’m tired of hurting. I’m tired of losing everything that I worked so hard to get. I’m not saying this is true about every relationship…however I am saying based from my experience–and a lot of others’ I have known and witnessed–that it ends in nothing but heartbreak.