Author Archives: Lee Morris

The Sad State Of Parenting

I can’t be the only one who’s noticed how horrible parents have gotten in recent years? I mean, for the love of God, giving a kid a cookie just so they will shut the hell up?! This only proves that we should let people run with scissors just to weed out the dumbasses.

Seriously, this would be the best instance of Darwinism of all time.

When you and I were kids, if we acted out in public screaming and pulling stuff off shelves in the supermarket, we would’ve gotten our asses kicked in a heartbeat. Had we been
screaming at the top of our lungs at a sibling in the middle of a store ,we would’ve gotten our asses run over with the shopping cart!

Don’t get me wrong, I realize how shitty kids have gotten over the past few years; however, the way I see it, it’s not the kids themselves. It’s their parents.

No punishment. No spankings. Nothing. They sit there and try to negotiate with a 4-year-old hoping not to be judged as bad people by those surrounding them. You know what? If you let your little terror run around doing whatever the hell they want, you’re a horrible parent. I’m not sorry. Stop acting so pitiful, pick your kid up, and discipline them in some manner! It’ll be a world of kindness to both those around you and for your future sanity…no lie. It is the children of parents like these that make me want to puke, because these are the little idiots bringing children into this world while still children themselves. Their only focus is on being the “cool parent” whose child will love them.

Speaking of little idiots, I’m sick if seeing obese children walking through the mall holding a cookie! You wonder why they’re overweight? Because you feed them all the time to suppress their tears and don’t make them get off their butts to go outside and play!

You created this. Yes. I’m looking at YOU.

I can honestly say that I hate stupid people. There’s nothing more I want to do than to put parents and children into a rehab program for being nightmares.

I can also say I am scared for the rest of not only my generation but the future generations to come.

These are parts of the reason that I long for the zombie apocalypse.

-lee

P.S. STOP BEING STUPID!!!!

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FRIENDS…

What can you really say about friends?

They herp and derp a lot, but that’s the reason that we love them. Though we all may get in fights with our friends, at the end of the day we still love each other. Bullshit happens. You laugh when they fall down. But we all still love each other.

No matter what, friends are what make the world go round. Be they close to home or halfway around the world, every friend is important. Though we may lose some, we always pick up more along the way. That way, you have people to make everything better when you need someone to lean on.

Laughing and loving are two of the best things about friends and those things will never change.

Nothing is stronger than the bonds of true friendship.

This article is dedicated to the best friends a chick could have. To Angie, Kasie, Brandon, and everyone else who I love…You guys rock!!!

-love,

Lee

Prepping For The Festival Of The Undead

So it’s almost Halloween, my favorite time of the year! From candy to goblins and ghouls there is something about the idea of a special day just for the paranormal that makes me smile and cackle worse that the Joker as he’s once again escaping Arkham Asylum. Though what I’ve recently come to love more and more is the Zombie side of Halloween.

I’m not talking about cheap latex masks or the ideas of just blood and gore; OH NO, I’m talking about the future all gamers, gun fanatics, and movie buffs have been preparing for. I’m talking about the Zombie Apocalypse. Something that I avidly look forward to as my way of saying “Hello HellHole!” and making my way across the country in a blaze of zombie bashing glory.

These poor people are trapped in their home while the zombies start to invade.

As I look forward to this endeavor, that I will surely be making along with my prestigious (trigger happy) co-workers of this magazine, I realize something that is slowly becoming a threat to my ever developing dream of becoming a professional Zombie Hunter. I realize that despite my best efforts, or maybe the ever-growing nerd population, the idea of Zombies have become more mainstream than ever. By any stretch of the imagination I am not complaining or bothering to tell people that they shouldn’t try to protect themselves from the inevitable downfall of the human race, either due to a virus outbreak, a nuclear explosion, or (my favorite) a corporation (such as The Umbrella Corp.) deciding to try and make more money.

No I’m not saying that everyone will die or be infected. I am simply saying that if you are less prepared than we are or slower than the average five year old, I WILL trip you and laugh as you are being torn apart limb from limb by the hoard…though I will give you a mercy killing as I run so you won’t suffer, unless I don’t like you. Though this is not in particular a letter saying “Haha I’m going to live, you’re all gonna die like the preppy bitches you are…” No, this is me ranting about how the Apocalypse will happen even if I’m not alive to see it.

What can I say? I like to experience the zombie life sometimes!

Lee’s Guide to Survival of the Zombie Apocalypse.

  1. DON’T GET BITTEN (this is the key.)
  2. WEAR SENSIBLE CLOTHES.
  3. NO heels.
  4. NO loose clothing.
  5. Be fit, and make sure you can run.
  6. Stock up on canned foods and bottled water.
  7. USE YOUR COMMON DAMN SENSE.
  8. Keep spare ammunition and know where to get guns and ammo.
  9. To kill a Zombie, you MUST destroy the brain.

And though this is only a short list of the things I will be giving to so that you can survive, I promise if you follow these instructions you will survive.

Good luck, and I’ll talk to you next time 😀

DON’T DIE.