Author Archives: Lee Morris
What can you really say about friends?
They herp and derp a lot, but that’s the reason that we love them. Though we all may get in fights with our friends, at the end of the day we still love each other. Bullshit happens. You laugh when they fall down. But we all still love each other.
No matter what, friends are what make the world go round. Be they close to home or halfway around the world, every friend is important. Though we may lose some, we always pick up more along the way. That way, you have people to make everything better when you need someone to lean on.
Laughing and loving are two of the best things about friends and those things will never change.
This article is dedicated to the best friends a chick could have. To Angie, Kasie, Brandon, and everyone else who I love…You guys rock!!!
So it’s almost Halloween, my favorite time of the year! From candy to goblins and ghouls there is something about the idea of a special day just for the paranormal that makes me smile and cackle worse that the Joker as he’s once again escaping Arkham Asylum. Though what I’ve recently come to love more and more is the Zombie side of Halloween.
I’m not talking about cheap latex masks or the ideas of just blood and gore; OH NO, I’m talking about the future all gamers, gun fanatics, and movie buffs have been preparing for. I’m talking about the Zombie Apocalypse. Something that I avidly look forward to as my way of saying “Hello HellHole!” and making my way across the country in a blaze of zombie bashing glory.
As I look forward to this endeavor, that I will surely be making along with my prestigious (trigger happy) co-workers of this magazine, I realize something that is slowly becoming a threat to my ever developing dream of becoming a professional Zombie Hunter. I realize that despite my best efforts, or maybe the ever-growing nerd population, the idea of Zombies have become more mainstream than ever. By any stretch of the imagination I am not complaining or bothering to tell people that they shouldn’t try to protect themselves from the inevitable downfall of the human race, either due to a virus outbreak, a nuclear explosion, or (my favorite) a corporation (such as The Umbrella Corp.) deciding to try and make more money.
No I’m not saying that everyone will die or be infected. I am simply saying that if you are less prepared than we are or slower than the average five year old, I WILL trip you and laugh as you are being torn apart limb from limb by the hoard…though I will give you a mercy killing as I run so you won’t suffer, unless I don’t like you. Though this is not in particular a letter saying “Haha I’m going to live, you’re all gonna die like the preppy bitches you are…” No, this is me ranting about how the Apocalypse will happen even if I’m not alive to see it.
Lee’s Guide to Survival of the Zombie Apocalypse.
- DON’T GET BITTEN (this is the key.)
- WEAR SENSIBLE CLOTHES.
- NO heels.
- NO loose clothing.
- Be fit, and make sure you can run.
- Stock up on canned foods and bottled water.
- USE YOUR COMMON DAMN SENSE.
- Keep spare ammunition and know where to get guns and ammo.
- To kill a Zombie, you MUST destroy the brain.
And though this is only a short list of the things I will be giving to so that you can survive, I promise if you follow these instructions you will survive.
Good luck, and I’ll talk to you next time 😀